Hey, guess what? I'm at work late again. Today the big climate summit is all the news. Well, that and Tiger being a possible sex addict. So it is with great mirth that I read through WWE's post below. Hilarious. Don't expect much from me on this post. I've got nothing worthwhile to write about really. But I wish I did. Or maybe I don't. Who knows anymore? More importantly who cares? But thoughts like that aren't original, are they?

I've been pondering the idea of potential. You see it all the time -- smart, talented, or just lucky people who seem to throw it all away and crash and burn or let the rest of their lives just rot away. They could have done a lot more, but they chose not to. But actually, these "tragic" cases really don't usually turn out that way because of a conscious choice. They turn out that way because the person was weak.

But what of the more subtle folks who have all of that potential with the strength they need, and simply choose not to use it? It's just not worth it to them. Let's face it, the reason the weak ones fail is that living up to all of that potential is hard. It can have huge rewards, or none, but it's not easy. So maybe you can just stifle that potential and slide through life at an enjoyable tempo. Maybe those people are the ones who have it all figured out.

Wait, isn't that a bit selfish of them? These people could go on to lead, to heal, to build, to enlighten. But they keep it to themselves. Do they realize that they're hurting the rest of us? The ones who would be the true beneficiaries of their potential? Or perhaps some of them do realize these truths. And there lies the problem. The only ones that really benefit from their extra efforts are others.

With human civilization one big evolving disaster, some realize that their little drop in the bucket won't change much for the world. But they sure will be giving a lot of themselves to try. Instead, keeping that potential close to home and improving their own little world while they still can might at least make for a pleasant spot from which to watch humanity's death spiral. Then again, maybe they're just smart enough to realize they may not be strong enough.

So here I am, back looking at the clock over my desk. I have some of that potential. Heck, let's me be modest -- I have a lot of that potential. As I move into management and try to fix the problems around me I get nothing but great reviews. And even more opportunities to improve things. I can see my way up an impressive career path. But I'm starting to ask why? This shit sucks. Maybe I can make a big difference some day, but probably not. Politics will probably end up overshadowing anything meaningful.

Meanwhile I have a comfortable income at a secure job. I make more than I need to, why do I need a promotion except to assuage my (not necessarily insignificant) ego? I'm starting to think that I should transfer back to some of the technical work that I was so good at before and enjoyed the most. To hell with realizing my potential. I mean, "Why?"

Duty

When you look at the world, what do you see? Can you justify the current state of our civilization? Can you accept the state of affairs? Do you see any way in which you can affect change?

What I see is rot, filth, disease, suffering, and death. Our human "civilization" has grown out of control to absolute and cannot be sustained. Any rational observer, of which I woefully admit there are precious few, should be able to see that the current state of affairs cannot and should not be maintained. Sadly, any rational observer will also admit that they are powerless to change anything.

To be able to affect change one needs power, and to achieve power you need support from a multitude of followers, or perhaps one large corporation. The problem with gaining the support of followers is that a) most people are not rational and b) the rational people are unlikely to truly want change. A majority of people believe the Bible or Koran or some other monkey shit-stained babble written by people who were still half in the tree. These people don't even trust themselves to know right from wrong, and their minds are already fully controlled by religious zealots, massive media conglomerates, and political pundits. Rational people, as they tend to be more intelligent, are bribed by society a generally higher standard of living and have no real incentive to affect change. The large corporation would stop supporting you immediately if you proposed a change that could negatively affect profit margins.

I've always liked the idea of the voluntary human extinction movement. Within one generation we could bring an end to all this unnecessary suffering that is human existence. This method would probably involve the least suffering, however it is ultimately impracticable unless you could implode the nearest star and bombard Earth with enough radiation to sterilize every human on earth. However, since NASA engineers can't do unit conversions correctly, my hopes for them igniting Jupiter are scattered by the wayside, unless it is by accident.

You see, humans are very good at reproducing, especially the dumb ones. Average I.Q. levels will continuously drop from this day forward. If you think the people around you are idiots now, just wait until their kids take over. There's no end to what they can't do!

Humans really are stupid animals. We will happily march to our ultimate destruction, even if there are ways to avoid it. People will fight common sense just on principle, even when the truth unblinkingly stares them in the face. They won't even move out of the way of a steamroller they own barreling their way if it means admitting they were wrong to buy it in the first place. Hubris is out of control, and the system is so stagnant and self-perpetuating that all reason for hope is truly lost.

Our feeble attempts to curb our pending destruction are laughable. The only way to get back to true sustainability is to have a truly massive die-off of the human race. We need a virus that wipes out 99% of humans. The total destruction of all major cities in every country in an all-out thermonuclear war and subsequent mass starvation could also work. The problem in either case is there would be survivors who would undoubtedly reproduce, build the world back up, and screw things up all over again. I suppose if we burned all the oil first at least they would be unable to secure a power source for industrialization. But why risk it, humans are such crafty swine.

Or, we could simply admit a seemingly simple and obvious fact, that this sad experiment called humanity has passed its useful life and should be immediately and irrevocably terminated.

It's 1921 on Sunday. I'm at work. I work for the government. 'Nuff said about that.

Above my monitor is my Despair.com custom calendar. (For those of you unfamiliar with Despair.com, just think of all those motivational posters that people recaption for humorous purposes. Now make a business out of it.) August is, "Insanity - It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane."

It's not the caption that speaks to me. It's the picture. Somebody is basejumping off a waterfall/cliff a couple thousand feet above what looks like a jungle. I'm imagining somewhere on the edge of the Andes. But that's besides the point.

Every so often I cross that mental barrier that keeps most people clinging to the handrail of life. You know, that self-preservation instinct. Yes, the guy in the picture has his parachute as his handrail. When I'm 80' up in a tree with a running chainsaw and crashing logs I'm tied in. But sometimes that doesn't matter. When I'm 80' up and I just unclip to move around a branch. Or when I go down a small road in Sicily at night at crazy speeds and the road takes a sharp left. And I don't. And my first thought is how cool would it be if this was a cliff? And my second thought was I hope the asshole in the backseat gets thrown from the car and dies slowly and painfully.

When you're a kid, it's just not the same thing. Maybe it's because you can't comprehend your own mortality. But during those times when when you come to terms with it, accept it, and even welcome it (and not in a suicidal way), the feeling is truly euphoric and memorable.

This should be a good drive home tonight.

PS - As I was about to hit "Publish Post", my boss walks in and says, "Just shoot me. Just fucking shoot me." Maybe my next post WILL BE on that suicidal way....

Word of the Day

Here is the word of the day from my inbox:

stultify \STUHL-tuh-fahy\, verb:
1. To render useless or ineffectual; cripple.
2. To cause to appear stupid, inconsistent, or ridiculous.
3. Law To allege or prove insane and so not legally responsible.

But even better was one of the quotes that went with it....

The word "civilization" to my mind is coupled with death. When I use the word, I see civilization as a crippling, thwarting thing, a stultifying thing. For me it was always so. I don't believe in the golden ages, you see... civilization is the arteriosclerosis of culture.
-- Henry Miller

Good Old Days . . .

I was looking through some boxes and came across my old graduate school lab notebook. On the front of the notebook in large letters are the words "Everything You Know Is Wrong." At the top, "Lab Notebook" is crossed out and replaced with "Exercises in Futility." Three underlined quotes are on the cover:

Do you really think this crazy world will get better?

All our potential is wasted on trivial problems.

Fluids is a dead science.

In the inner pages, amongst to do lists, hand-drawn sketches, derivations, and occasional discussion of Poincare mappings and cross correlation, there are several pages of rants. On one page, there is simply an encircled list of quotes, which I have included below for your pleasure:

Religion is a club.
Contradiction is balance.
Civilization is only skin deep.
Guilt is not of God.
Watch more TV.
Everything is bullshit.
The worst thing you can call me is human.
The world is over.
Religion is evil.
Believe the lie.
Stealing from the thieves.
Thought is for suckers.
Science is narcissism.
Work is for fools.
We are out of control.
Human nature is constant.
Money is the cure.
Money is power.
Money controls us all.
Death is the only way out.
Leave me alone.
There is no solution.
I'm not like you.
People cannot accept change.
Stupidity reigns today.
These are the end times.
End game.
Can't you see it's over.
Can't you see we are all doomed.
Why try.
It's no use.

Outside of the list is one final quote:

Depression is a medical term for seeing what's really there. . .

To anyone reading this that is considering graduate work or expending any sort of effort in an attempt to further science, make a difference, or toil for any number of outrageously unworthy causes: Stop now. Save yourself the trouble. Get a drink. And enjoy your life, if it's not too late.

Particle Man

I've been thinking a lot lately about how we get to the places we are. For me, my experience is best likened to Brownian motion of a particle. I am floating around in space, mostly directionless except for the random interactions I have with the people around me. Some of them have high energy and bounce off me, I take some of their momentum. How much energy I take, of course, depends on my mass. I have a very large mass, particularly in regard to motivation. It takes a lot to get me going, especially when other, smaller particles try to push me around. You know the type.

When bombarded by photons I may myself gain energy. The photons could be the reward or satisfaction realized with a job well done or done just unwell enough so as to inspire awe. It really doesn't matter, except that to stay in such an energetic state I require constant illumination.

When particles clump together, they have an increased mass and collective momentum.

Unlike particles we do have free will when necessary, and can abandon or even destroy said group.

Take my last job, for instance. One individual, a high energy particle, formed one of these groups on the basis of doing high quality work. Over time, the group grew from one to as many as five to six particles, crashing through the projects together. Then, we discovered that the original individual had committed personal acts that were unacceptable to the group and secret to his family. He then turned on each individual in the group in a rotating sequence. The first individual to actively leave the group happened to be the one I identified as the "glue" holding the group together.

As I said, my activation energy is high, but when I am activated, I become a force of nature. When I am your friend, you cannot have a better friend. The problem is, you tell your friends everything . . . . and the last thing you want is an enemy that knows your every move and that you in fact depend upon.

Using my particular skills of social disruption, misinformation, and inspiration of rebellion, I methodically destroyed the group from the inside. All the while the original individual thought that I was the pillar of the group. Indeed I was, but not the one he thought. I had made myself so central to the work we were performing that I held the keys to everything. By the time I left, not only did the rest of the group leave the working group, we all left the organization for other work. I have to admit the campaign was brilliant and complete as far as my usual standards go. I left his career in shambles, his reputation destroyed, and all of his work in scattered remnants. I achieved the effectual destruction of all his hopes and dreams of becoming a leader within the organization.

And all it cost me was a 10% raise and a job I like.

Never mess with a particle man. . .

Institutional Hypocrisy

There are various reasons why organized religion is currently the ultimate evil in our society. First and foremost, it is a hypnotic tool that is used to control the unthinking masses. Fundamentalist "holy" men in every religion prey on their subjects' primeval fear of death to create social groups that will listen to anything and everything they say to extend their existence into a mythical afterlife. The herd mentality is a very important piece of this equation. When a group of people gather together and celebrate a shared belief, an instinctual euphoria sets in. This feeling is construed by the peddlers of religion as the presence of god. The believers find themselves lost and happy in a crowd, willing to do anything and everything for their false god. As we see every day, even kill or die for their beliefs. They will do this without question, never realizing that the beliefs were never their own. They were merely cattle, programmed by a self-perpetuating class of religious zealots, and sent to the slaughter.

I have experienced institutionalized religious perpetuation my entire life. I grew up in the Bible belt, the breadbasket of the evangelical Christian nation. I went to church until I was 18, went to evangelical camps in the summer and witnessed the transformation of the "born-agains." I have to say that to this day nothing frightens me more than a born-again Christian. There is a vacancy behind their eyes and a well-veiled threat behind their conversion efforts that I imagine identical to German Nazis in 1939. If you have ever been to one of their functions, I warn you it will be a harrowing experience to the thoughtful mind. Their practices are reminiscent of a stereotypical cult, complete with mindless chanting and speeches by the beloved leader. Of course this defect is not unique to the Christian religion. All over the world, people are packing synaguogues, mosques, and churches every "holy" day, partaking in their mass hypnosis, forfeiting their minds to religion, and perpetuating holy wars that have raged since the beginning of time.

And the greatest irony is that the followers of all major religions despise each other. The texts of all the monotheistic religions advocate tolerance, abhor violence, and even describe identical gods. The first commandment of them all is "thou shall not kill." Even so, Christians, Muslims, and Jews are at the center of blood-letting that has lasted millenia. Modern fundamentalist religions have honed their hatred of all other faiths to an art form. In the Middle East, a number of youths far above the statistical norm for modern civilizations are willing to strap explosives to themselves and pursue a mythical afterlife by murdering people who don't believe their book. In America, the grand old party has fused thinly-veiled racism and "family values" to try and institutionalize the denial of rights to anyone they view as displaying non-Christian values. And they have the gall to call anyone who disagrees with them "immoral." Lets not forget that Christians and Muslims, who worship the same god, fought savagely in the dark ages over a scrap of land that was deemed "holy." It seems they have been at this a long time. In all this time, has no one really caught on to the hypocrisy of it all? Oh yeah, the agnostics and the atheists figured it out a long time ago.

The real danger is the damage that religion causes. Of course there are the countless lives that have been sacrificed uselessly in the name of religion. Most religions consider it an honor to die a martyr, perfectly willing to kill off as many sheep as necessary to inspire the next generation of dimwits. But the real problem is the control that religion allows those who lead worship over their followers. A whole group of people willing to do whatever one man says is always a bad idea. But more importantly, religion gives dumb people a really easy way out of thinking. If anyone takes an honest look, the evil of religion is readily apparent. And yet people constantly and relentlessly devote themselves to a set of illogical belief systems that hamper their minds and convince them to lead their entire lives guided by the whims of other men. They are the perfect constituents, hard-working, brain-washed morons who accept everything you say and will freely give you their earnings, even their lives if necessary. In the end they will give their life, believing to the end that the afterlife awaits, as you steal the last of their money on the medical treatments that give them one more month of time.

My last danger stems from a rather frightening trend I have noticed in fundamentalist Christian culture. They have become Armageddon worshippers, rejoicing and looking forward to the ultimate rapture. They don't care, or even welcome the ultimate doom of the human race. This has far reaching implications, from the outright advocacy of nuclear war to total indifference to global warming. And since it is ingeniously imbedded in their belief system, you can never change them. They will march happily to the ultimate doom of humanity, assuming that they are prepared for eternity.

Religion is nothing more or less than the subjugation of your will to a set of rules and beliefs designed to rob you of your identity, control your actions, and destroy the core of your humanity.