Essence of Being

There is a current, flowing among us all. It gets stronger and weaker like a dance in some estranged and indescribable play, as if it were an opera performed in a language no human can understand. We are weak, always searching for answers. Some of us find them in houses of god. Some of us find them in riches. Some of us never find what we have been looking for our entire lives.

What is the reason. Why. How.

In brief moments of clarity you wonder, is this it? Is this why I am here? No answer. Back to the norm, the usual.

You find a distraction. Your work, your favorite shows, your booze. Too much time away or with any of your comforts brings the whole question back with a razor's edge.

You start to fear that it is why you are here. Ponder the possibilities and probabilities involved and you can't fathom how that could be. If you linger too long it will drive you insane. Lost in the abyss.

The madness around you, the people marching to their inner drums, you don't know what makes them tick. People smashing themselves against the rocks, again and again. Others dying all too young. Even though some try to explain it makes no sense.

The fire inside you builds. You feel sometimes that your rage could boil over and burst, take you on an epic trail of revenge and destruction. The nonexistent gods would marvel at your cunning.

But the darkness still holds. That knawing feeling that somehow you can never see but is always there, whispering to you in the night. Your fear turns to despair, in the brief moment that you realize there is no reason you are here. No reason behind anything you have seen or witnessed.

It is the chasm which you must face, you who reach this far. If you stay you will be consumed, destroyed by the reality that quickens behind you and shadows your every move. You must throw yourself off the edge, embrace the sweet fall as your hopes and dreams and silly preconceptions of self-worth and meaningfulness flail useless behind you.

As you fall faster and faster, finally reaching terminal velocity, the loss of acceleration gives you comfort. You have reached a stasis, falling as fast as man can. And in that moment you find peace. You can let go of everything that has been and ever will be, and find the core of your existence. In the hurricane you have found the eye.

And finally in the face of all the darkness around you and the solid ground you know you will ultimately hit, a smile crosses your face.

You feel alive again. For a while.